Choosing the Right Partner

Choosing the Right Partner

While choosing a partner you would naturally try to seek some good qualities and virtues in him or her. What you don’t really want to see in your partner that you should first root out in yourself. It is not just about finding the right person, but being the right person.

The Bible does not address how to find the “perfect spouse,” nor does it get as specific as we might like on the matter of finding the right marriage partner. The one thing God's Word does explicitly tell us is to marry those who are acceptable to God (2 Corinthians 6:14-15), (1Corinthians 7:39).Before marrying, a couple should study the roles and duties of a husband and wife (Ephesians 5:22-31; 1 Corinthians 7:1-16; Colossians 3:18-19; Titus 2:1-5; 1 Peter 3:1-7).

In Casti Conubii, Pope Pius XI has this to say of the importance of choosing the right partner: “To the proximate preparation of a good married life belongs very specially the care in choosing a partner; on that depends a great deal whether the forthcoming marriage will be happy or not, since one may be to the other either a great help in leading a Christian life, or, a great danger and hindrance. And so that they may not deplore for the rest of their lives the sorrows arising from an indiscreet marriage, those about to enter into wedlock should carefully deliberate in choosing the person with whom henceforward they must live continually: they should, in so deliberating, keep before their minds the thought first of God and of the true religion of Christ, then of themselves, of their partner, of the children to come, as also of human and civil society, for which wedlock is a fountainhead. Let them diligently pray for divine help, so that they make their choice in accordance with Christian prudence, not indeed led by the blind and unrestrained impulse of lust, nor by any desire of riches or other base influence, but by a true and noble love and by a sincere affection for the future partner; and then let them strive in their married life for those ends for which the State was constituted by God. Lastly, let them not omit to ask the prudent advice of their parents with regard to the partner, and let them regard this advice in no light manner, in order that by their mature knowledge and experience of human affairs, they may guard against a disastrous choice, and, on the threshold of matrimony, may receive more abundantly the divine blessing of the fourth commandment: ‘Honor thy father and thy mother (which is the first commandment with a promise) that it may be well with thee and thou mayest be long-lived upon the earth.’”

It goes without saying that prayer is important in the process of picking a partner. There is a Russian proverb to this effect:

Before embarking on a journey, pray once;
Before leaving for war, pray twice;
Before you marry, pray three times.

 

Prayer for a Good Husband or Wife

 

O Jesus, lover of the young, the dearest Friend I have, in all confidence I open my heart to You to beg Your light and assistance in the important task of planning my future. Give me the light of Your grace, that I may decide wisely concerning the person who is to be my partner through life. Dearest Jesus, send me such a one whom in Your divine wisdomYou judge best suited to be united with me in marriage. May her/his characterreflect some of the traits of Your own Sacred Heart. May s/he be upright, loyal, pure, sincere and noble, so that with united efforts and with pure and unselfish love we both may strive to perfect ourselves in souland body, as well as the childrenit may please You to entrust to our care. Bless our friendship before marriage, that sinmay have no part in it. May our mutual love bind us so closely, that our future home may ever be most like Your own at Nazareth.

O MaryImmaculate, sweet Mother of the young, to your special care I entrust the decision I am to make as to my future wife/husband. You are my guiding Star! Direct me to the person with whom I can best cooperate in doing God's Holy Will, with whom I can live in peace, love and harmonyin this life, and attain to eternal joys in the next.
Amen.